Home Alone

     In case I haven't mentioned it, when I started this blogging thing last month it was the first writing I'd done since college, aside from journaling and nurses notes.  When it began, ideas would come to mind when I was out walking, but lately thoughts have been showing up around 4 AM and I try to make a mental note to remember them when I wake up. They seem to have a life of their own however and once arisen, thoughts keep whirling around until I get to writing later in the day. This latest idea is actually a lot of  stuff, but I'll try to stick with the living alone piece for now.
     Almost nine months ago I downsized to a one bedroom apartment from my two bedroom condo. When I was planning to retire I knew it would be easier to do away with home-ownership since I still owed a lot on my mortgage, and taxes and home repairs are ongoing expenses. The first obstacle was the fact that the guy I'd been living with and I weren't really getting along, but he was having trouble getting his own place. He had tried his own apartment for a while, but it wasn't working out and he asked if he could stay with me temporarily (which is kind of how we started out - can you say hobosexual? as in, someone who enters a relationship to avoid homelessness)  A few potential jobs and potential apartments later, he got a job and a new friend out of the area.
   About this time, my son was finally moving back from three years in SoCal, and I was glad to give him a safe place to land and get back to what had been his roots since he came to live with his Dad and me when he was 13 after his first Mom died. The apartments I was moving to had a one year waiting list and I had to sell my condo. So Sean and I had some time to catch up while I was waiting to move and he was finding a job and getting back on his feet.

Anyway, it's been about nine months now of living alone for the first time in about 25 years and only the second time in my life . Growing up we lived with my Grandmom and there was always a houseful.  I moved out after I got married the first time and within a year of Jack's death, after five years of marriage, l had found a new guy. We moved in together for six tumultuous years of drinking/ not drinking, multiple break-ups before we finally called it quits. That was when I bought my first house, in my home town and enjoyed being on my own. Fours years later my sister had gotten her real estate license and found me a suburban condo two miles up the road. Eventually I met Joe, got married again and Sean moved in. I had a lot of good times there, but like I said, financially it made sense to move.

After years of sharing my home I was ready for my own space and peace and quiet.  My dream retirement home might be a cabin in the country and this apartment isn't that, but there are trees and grass and morning bird song to wake up to. And it's mine and right now that feels wonderful!