If I had to name the event from my growing years that has had the most impact in my adult life my first response is my parents separating when I was little and my second thought was learning to read. I don't even know how old I was when my folks split, but it was before I started first grade. The effects back then included feeling different, because my Dad wasn't living with us, like all the other neighbor's Dads. My Mom went to work and my sister and brother were in school so I was home with Grandmom all day and pretty much left on my own while she was cleaning and cooking and doing laundry and sewing or knitting.
I watched a lot of TV back then- all the morning and afternoon kid's shows and pretty much kept myself occupied playing. drawing, coloring and such. I do remember my Dad coming around sometimes and teaching me my ABC's and letter sounds and how to string letters together to form words. I'm not sure when I actually started to read, but I could recognize names on the mail that arrived at a young age. I was surprised to find out others kids in my first grade class didn't know how to spell their own names. I guess I thought everybody had someone at home to get them started with learning. Once I learned to read I spent a lot of time at the library, back when kids could safely walk around town on their own, and I would sit for hours with my nose in a book.
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| Not my picture- but Iwas the kid who couldn't get close enough to the TV |
So out of the effects of my parents separation, I learned that I could keep myself occupied, I could manage with little supervision or company, I could read and discover and create new things. I learned not to cause more stress for my Mom or the rest of the family by keeping to myself. Whether these are positive or negative traits, it's all a part of how I have navigated my life.
In high school, I was placed in the academic group because of how I did on tests, but in my junior year, when it was my time to see the guidance counselor about going to college, I said I was just going to get a job. No one in my family had gone to college and I knew we didn't have money. The counselor didn't offer any suggestions but on the last day of exams that year there was an announcement for openings in the tech school for the next year. Tech school was fairly new and I didn't know much about it, but I went down and applied for data processing, because culinary arts and cosmetology didn't appeal to me. So I just kind of signed up without taking it over with the counselor or my Mom or anybody. Again, I just figured things out for myself without asking for help.
My work life proceeded with little direction. I worked for a plumbing supply company as their IBM department right out of high school til I got laid off. Then I went to work at the phone company til I spent a few days in the hospital and decided maybe I would become a nurse. I went to a local hospital school and got a job a few towns away. I got married and eventually started working closer to home, then switched to another hospital where I worked til I retired.
Over the years, I have learned to reach out for help, companionship, and advice, but it has not been easy. I still like to listen to my own ideas first, but have found it can be a good thing to let other people in, that others can be consulted and relied on for support.
Last Spring when I was first inspired to try writing, I spoke with someone I had met who writes as a sports journalist and I got help and encouragement from him to start writing a blog. I also found a Writers Group that meets up the road once a month which I attended over the summer which was a nurturing place to start sharing this new experience. Then this past September, I was introduced to this lovely Memoir Writers Circle which from the first night felt like a gathering of friends. I am so grateful to begin to share my work and myself with others and learn to keep my balance between solitude and community.
I am still learning to find balance and will probably continue to work on this in different aspects of life. I don't have to do everything alone, I enjoy spending time with others, but there are things only I can decide for myself.
