Same Trail, Different Day

 

 I was out for my weekly Sunday morning walk on the Schuylkill River Trail when I remembered walking the same trail back in October after I had my first cataract operation.   The light seemed so much brighter than it had for a while and I was excited about the change.  That was back before I went back to work after being retired for five years, aside the six months I worked very much part-time as a merchandiser for a greeting card company. That work schedule was very flexible and I generally only had to put in about ten hours a week stocking card displays at a few local drug stores.
   
     At any rate, my point is I had gotten used to frequent if not daily walks for quite a while and as much as I enjoyed moving about outdoors on a regular basis it became even more of a joy when my vision improved. It was about a month after my second surgery that I decided I could use a little extra income and I started working for an auto parts company as a part-time delivery driver. Their definition of part-time is a whole lot different than my last job. It involves five hours a day every weekday afternoon and seven hours every other Saturday. When I started out it was fun, challenging, not too difficult. Seven months later it's routine that interferes with my having as much time to take walks, or go for rides, or sit and read or write. I'm tired a lot and irritable and not a person I enjoy being on too many days. My walks are now only in the morning before work if I have time, or maybe every other Saturday, and Sundays.

     I enjoy the additional income,and  have been cutting out some debt I'd accumulated. I recently ordered race and concert tickets I would have thought hard about spending on before, and I just got my first "salon" haircut in years, not to disparage the walk-in hair cut places I've been using, but I'm beginning to question my job choice.  This is a tough one for me, because it brings up the idea of balance which is something that can cause me trouble. Work, relaxation and play, community and solitude, living simply and spending on luxuries or treats are just some examples of what I mean by keeping my balance. For the years when I had to work there wasn't much to think about. and fortunately I had chosen work that allowed me sufficient income.

      I have history at this job, if only seven months. Most of the people are easy to work with and if not, I'm alone in the car a lot of the day anyway.  If I leave to find another job I would have to start with different people, different routine, in other words, change! If this job is too many hours or not the right time of day, I have to decide what I want to do about it.
   
     I know these are questions I have to answer for myself, and hoped that by writing out my thoughts I might get some clarity - not happening yet and that's okay at least it got me to sit down and write, that's something I haven't been doing much of. I don't know if that's a matter of not enough time or writer's block, but I know the book I started has kind of stalled and I haven't been blogging for a while.

     For the last few years that I was working in nursing and feeling drained after decades in that career,  all I wanted to do was retire. After I retired, I was content to settle into a slower pace of simple living for a few years. More recently I've been wanting to enjoy the simple life and throw in some travel, write a book or two, and try new adventures which require money. The problem seems to be now I have additional funds, but not enough time. So one day at a time, I'll show up at life and wait for a sign as to where to go next. Signs will come if I look around.